Comedy Central: 10 Jokes That Will Leave You in Stitches
Prepare yourself for a wild ride of laughter and hilarity as we dive into the world of Comedy Central and explore the top 10 jokes that are guaranteed to leave you rolling on the floor, clutching your stomach, and begging for mercy.
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Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything! Well, technically speaking, they do make up, well, everything. But hey, who needs trust when you have a good punchline?
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I asked the librarian if they had any books on paranoia. She whispered, "They're right behind you!" Classic librarian humor, always keeping us on our toes. You never know when a book might just sneak up on you.
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I was in a band called The Backseats. We were never quite famous, but boy, did we have a lot of fans! They were all just seated behind us, though, so they never actually saw us perform.
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My friend keeps saying, "Cheer up, man, it could be worse. You could be stuck underground in a hole full of water." I know he means well, but I can't help but think, "Well, that's just shallow advice."
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Last night, I dreamed I was a muffler. I woke up exhausted! Being a muffler is tough work, folks. All that noise and hot air can really take a toll on you.
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I wanted to lose weight, so I went to the paint store. The guy there asked me, "Are you looking for something particular?" I said, "Yeah, I'm looking to drop a few pounds." He handed me a bucket of white paint. Thanks, buddy, but I think I'll stick to the gym.
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I went to the doctor's office the other day and told him, "Doctor, I keep hearing voices in my head." He replied, "Don't worry, it's just your conscience." I said, "Well, that's a relief. I thought it was my pet parrot practicing ventriloquism."
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I'm terrible at math, so my teacher told me to practice counting sheep at night. I tried, but every time I got to three, they all jumped over a fence and ran away.
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My wife asked me if I think she's becoming too obsessed with astrology. I replied, "To be honest, babe, I can't foresee that happening." Sometimes, you just need to throw in a pun and hope for the best.
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Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts! I guess skeletons are more about the funny bone than the actual fighting bone.
There you have it, folks! The top 10 jokes that are sure to tickle your funny bone, courtesy of Comedy Central. Remember, laughter is the best medicine, even if it does leave you in stitches from time to time. So, sit back, enjoy, and be prepared to laugh until your sides ache.
Shukuru (Guest) on May 1, 2016
Why don’t crabs give to charity? Because they’re shellfish! 🦀💰
Sharifa (Guest) on April 28, 2016
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks. 💼💸
Benjamin Masanja (Guest) on April 12, 2016
I love long walks, especially when they’re taken by people who annoy me. 🚶♂️😜
Sultan (Guest) on April 11, 2016
How do you organize a space party? You planet! 🚀🎉
Zubeida (Guest) on March 24, 2016
🤣 Sharing this with everyone!
Halimah (Guest) on March 8, 2016
If stress burned calories, I’d be a supermodel. 🔥😅
Chum (Guest) on March 4, 2016
I thought growing old would take longer. 😄👵
Warda (Guest) on March 1, 2016
My brain has too many tabs open. 💻🧠
Joseph Kiwanga (Guest) on February 26, 2016
😄 Totally didn’t see that coming!
Ruth Mtangi (Guest) on February 23, 2016
Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do. 🤔💬
Brian Karanja (Guest) on February 19, 2016
😄 I can’t even breathe, so funny!
Sekela (Guest) on January 22, 2016
If at first, you don’t succeed, try doing it the way your mom told you in the beginning. 👩👧🤷♂️
John Lissu (Guest) on January 16, 2016
What kind of car does an egg drive? A yolkswagen! 🚗🥚
Fadhili (Guest) on January 5, 2016
Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it. 🤢🤔
Leila (Guest) on January 5, 2016
If life gives you lemons, freeze them and throw them at people who are annoying. 🍋😂
Mary Kendi (Guest) on January 1, 2016
I don’t care if the glass is half full or half empty. I’m just glad it’s not a shot glass. 🥃🍹
Esther Cheruiyot (Guest) on December 23, 2015
I don't need anger management. I need people to stop annoying me! 😡🛑
Esther Nyambura (Guest) on December 9, 2015
I love sleep because it’s like a time machine to breakfast. 🛏️🥞
Nchi (Guest) on December 9, 2015
😁 This just made my day!
Sultan (Guest) on November 21, 2015
My life feels like a test I didn’t study for. 📝🤯
Janet Wambura (Guest) on November 17, 2015
I used to be a people person, but people ruined that for me. 🙄🧍♂️
Nicholas Wanjohi (Guest) on November 16, 2015
Why did the man take his clock to the vet? It had ticks! 🕰️🐾
Janet Sumari (Guest) on November 9, 2015
😁 Added to my favorites!
Mwajabu (Guest) on November 5, 2015
Why did the chicken join a band? Because it had the drumsticks! 🐔🥁
George Wanjala (Guest) on October 29, 2015
🤣 This joke is just too good!
Nancy Kawawa (Guest) on October 14, 2015
What’s a cow’s favorite place to go? The moo-vies! 🐄🎥
Mchuma (Guest) on October 14, 2015
Why don’t basketball players ever go on vacation? They’re afraid of traveling! 🏀✈️
Omar (Guest) on October 8, 2015
Why don’t koalas count as bears? They don’t have the koalifications! 🐨🎓
Kassim (Guest) on October 6, 2015
I don’t procrastinate; I reschedule. 🗓️😜
Makame (Guest) on October 4, 2015
Why did the musician bring a ladder to the concert? To reach the high notes! 🎶🎵
Warda (Guest) on October 1, 2015
A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand. 🧁🤲
Khalifa (Guest) on September 23, 2015
I wish everything was as easy as getting fat. 🍩😂
Joyce Aoko (Guest) on September 13, 2015
😂 I’m definitely stealing this one!
Janet Sumaye (Guest) on September 5, 2015
😂 Sharing right away!
Mwanaidha (Guest) on August 21, 2015
Why do we press harder on the remote when the batteries are dying? 📺🔋
Victor Sokoine (Guest) on July 28, 2015
Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken. 🧍♂️🤷♀️
Husna (Guest) on July 27, 2015
I’ve reached the age where my brain goes from 'You probably shouldn’t say that' to 'What the heck, let’s see what happens'. 🤷♂️🤭
John Mushi (Guest) on July 22, 2015
What’s black, white, and read all over? A newspaper! 📰🖤
Hassan (Guest) on July 12, 2015
What’s Beethoven’s favorite fruit? Ba-na-na-na! 🎹🍌
Mazrui (Guest) on July 10, 2015
I don't trip over things; I do random gravity checks. 🌍😅
Henry Mollel (Guest) on July 6, 2015
Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted! 🐆👀
Ann Awino (Guest) on July 6, 2015
What did the triangle say to the circle? You’re pointless! 🔺⚪
Alice Jebet (Guest) on June 30, 2015
Why are skeletons so calm? Nothing gets under their skin! 💀😌
Diana Mumbua (Guest) on June 26, 2015
😄 Perfect joke!
Violet Mumo (Guest) on June 19, 2015
If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge? 🥪💡
Mariam Kawawa (Guest) on June 13, 2015
I love work; it fascinates me. I can sit and watch it for hours. 💻🛋️
Alex Nyamweya (Guest) on June 11, 2015
Absolutely hilarious! Can’t get enough! 😂
Monica Adhiambo (Guest) on June 9, 2015
Why did the computer go to the doctor? Because it had a virus! 🖥️🤒
Lydia Mzindakaya (Guest) on June 3, 2015
My hobbies include eating and complaining that I’m gaining weight. 🍔📏
Charles Mrope (Guest) on May 30, 2015
Exercise? I thought you said 'extra fries'! 🍟😂
Lydia Mutheu (Guest) on May 20, 2015
Why don’t we tell secrets in a cornfield? Too many ears! 🌽👂
Victor Mwalimu (Guest) on May 9, 2015
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer! 🐂💤
Safiya (Guest) on May 3, 2015
I don’t suffer from insanity—I enjoy every minute of it. 🤪⏳
Nancy Kabura (Guest) on April 14, 2015
What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato! 🦘🥔
Habiba (Guest) on April 13, 2015
😅 I’m still laughing!
Sarafina (Guest) on April 9, 2015
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they lactose! 🐄🦶
Chum (Guest) on April 7, 2015
Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts! 🦴😂
Mwanajuma (Guest) on April 7, 2015
😄 This is pure brilliance!
Christopher Oloo (Guest) on April 6, 2015
What do you get when you cross a dog with a phone? A golden receiver! 🐕📞
Michael Mboya (Guest) on April 2, 2015
Some people just need a high-five. In the face. With a chair. 🪑✋